What Lights You Up

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0:46 Good morning, everybody. Good afternoon. Good evening. Thank you so much for joining the show. It's so much fun to interview all these wonderful, outstanding people and learn from their experiences and their reflections and their transitions and how you move through life to all your next phases. And today, I'm thrilled to have Mary Olson-Hill. Menzel with me. Mary and I met, we're part of the same group. You'll probably hear this a lot, the Marshall Goldsmith group. And we met recently in Washington, D.C. And we know each other, of course, but we just had such a great conversation. And I loved Mary's insight. And I thought she would be wonderful on this show. And Mary really is an expert in career and workplace success. Over 30 years, actually.

1:40 And she's just been an anchor of programs. And her life's work includes helping leaders at all levels and channels light them up. What a great expression. She's a best-selling author. She speaks all over the world. She does workshops all over the world. And she's winging off on vacation this time over to Spain, which is good for you. So what lights you up? illustrates your past and takes the next big step in your career. I love that. And Mary, what got you to that title? What lights you up? I loved it. Oh my gosh, Linda. I'm so happy to be here, first of all. So thank you. The two things worth sharing. One, I was born on Christmas Eve, which is kind of, you know, the season of lights. So my origins come from light. And then my parents, when I was little, I had such a natural exuberance that they used to call me Mary Sunshine. And so when I thought back to who the most successful leaders that I've ever seen or coached or worked with were, they were the ones who had that inner light, the ones who walked into a room and you just knew that they were there.

2:54 It was almost like they sparked joy the moment they walked into the room. So it all revolved around light and Wow. And you were born on Christmas Eve. What state or country were you born in? I was born in Chicago, Illinois, in the United States of America. Yay. Wow. That's great. And then through your journey in life, what put you into the idea, which you are exuberant, by the way, what put you into the idea of you know, making this into a career path for you. How did you transition from where you were into the early roles that you played? Yes.

3:39 Oh gosh. You know, I am the queen of pivots for sure. Oh, I love that. Queen of pivots. A very circuitous career path. I started my career as a television reporter. So this is really fun for me because I love talking to audiences and But from there, I realized that I needed to teach aerobics, work at the clinic counter at a mall and report the news and quickly realized that I could make more money elsewhere. So I ended up going to interview for a job with a recruiting firm and they saw something in me and said, would you like a job here? I basically kind of fell into recruiting, taking my interviewing skills From reporting the news and my natural curiosity about what makes people tick and helping them find jobs. And from there, went into the tech world and then into corporate America and built an internal recruitment center of excellence for a Chicago-based media company. And then started really, really getting excited about coaching and really, really excited about elevating people to be the best they can be.

4:54 Well, that's a heck of a question, Mary. That's really interesting. So how did you actually make that transition from an emotional and physical perspective? Which one, Linda? That's true. You have been through numerous, numerous careers, but what's been the kind of internal spark that helped you transition to those various different places? Yes. Well, first, I love that you use the word spark, right? Because that spark is real. And when you are in a job that you don't love, that spark doesn't always, it's not always there. And so what I realized, I was young and naive, and I knew I just needed to make more money. So that was actually the first transition was really about, okay, how do I pay the bills and keep the lights on in my house?

5:49 Money is a big motivator. Yeah. Yeah. Especially when you're young and you need to make it to pay the bills. Right. But then, you know, from there, I realized how much I loved recruiting and how much I helped loved helping people and helping people find jobs and helping people find jobs that they loved and then seeing them thrive in those jobs. And then, you know, as a, I always like to call it a business anthropologist, but you know, when I, You're studying people and you're looking at what motivates them, what inspires them. And that's what drew me to coaching. Because I really saw the difference of people who were motivated and inspired by the work that they do. So how did you run into Marshall? Because I'm assuming he was your nexus into coaching.

6:34 He wasn't, believe it or not. Oh, interesting. No, I had a really amazing mentor at Tribune Company who saw something in me and started coaching. helping me get trained in coaching. And then from what I did at Tribune Company and in this corporate environment, I was so happy there, loving my life, loving my job. But for family reasons, we had to move from Chicago to New York. And so I worked for a couple of different firms, coaching, recruiting, doing business development, and realized that I needed to do it on my own because I really, really cared so deeply about the people And because of my coaching training and background, I started a firm that was recruiting and coaching. And so what we would do at MVP was we would place an executive, but we would coach them and help them onboard for success through their first three, six, nine months of the job. And then that coaching just started catapulting. And then you fast forward to 2020, when everybody needed to know how to lead through crisis, lead through a remote workforce and all of those things, that's when our coaching business even took off more. And that is when I met a guy by the name of Mark Golston, who asked me to partner with him on a couple coaching projects. And once he had experienced our work together, he said, you need to meet Marshall. You need to meet Marshall. And so

8:07 that's how it all unfolded. Yeah. Wow. That's very interesting. You know, it's also interesting that you say that because I was doing coaching from a corporate perspective. And one of the things that I learned is you had to put 30, 60, 90 days of coaching in with the new executive. Because if they didn't get it, they were coming into a culture that would eat them alive, even though the culture wanted to change. And they would flame out after 18 months. And the ones that had the coaching... and continued to be reflective about their life and what they were doing and how they were, were the ones that ended up being expensive, excellent.

8:47 And you know, it costs companies a lot of money to recruit executives. It sure does. If they don't make it, oh well, it's more than oh well. Yeah. Yeah. And then it's triple the cost. It's triple the cost. You've got to replace them. Yeah. It's really costly and it costs you morale. Totally. Executives come and go and they see people flaming out and that's not good for morale. So it's got a really, a big 360 degree view of effects that happens in a corporation when an executive fails. Impacting the whole thing. So what did you learn about yourself through this transition? These transitions.

9:29 Yes, these transitions. You know, every transition was based on either being open to an opportunity, Linda, or realizing that my light was starting to dim and knowing that I needed to make a change. And so it's what I realize and what I tell people all the time is you have to pay attention. Are you getting those Sunday scaries where you don't want to go into the office on Monday? That's something that you want to pay attention to. to and start to really say what is it that's making me feel that way and what do i need to do. About it yeah yeah that's that is very true i do think i mean my premise sort of in starting this i got inspired when i was did you go to london no but i want to go this year are you gonna go.

10:19 I don't know. I haven't signed up for it yet. Maybe. I think I'm thinking about it. Let's put it that way. But, you know, I started to get to that point where I just wasn't inspired anymore. And it's been a long time in my life since that really happened. And, you know, I knew I had to make a major shift, a la the radio show and the TV show. So it's been a really great learning experience because I'm meeting people that I know, but I'm finding out about them at a much deeper level. deeper level. And you're letting other people get to know them, which is so magical, Linda. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's just so great. So what, what, what do you see next for yourself, Mary? Oh, okay.

11:05 So book number one has been out in the world for a year and a half, and I'm in talks with the publisher on a new proposal for book number two. Great. One of the things that really lights me up is speaking and inspiring people to give them more hope and direction in their leadership and in their careers. So, you know, what lights you up that's sitting behind me. Over there. Is, you know, I think the stepping off point for maybe a what lights you up for leaders, we're kind of keeping it under wraps right now, but it'll have a very big and deep leadership bent about illuminating potential in others yeah so that's one of the things and then um gosh well i mean you you did announce that i am going to europe today so that's really on my radar right now.

12:03 Well i'm jealous because i want to go back to portugal and spain there's such beautiful places but i I was going to ask you, what advice do you have for people? Or how do people, when they get in a rut, because there's a lot of people in their 50s, you know, have had good careers. They're making decent money. They're scared to step out of where they are because they're afraid that the next thing won't be good or they'll flame out. How do people get out of a rut? Because it's usually psychological. And how do they get that? courage to really take that next step? I think part of it is putting together a plan, right? Well, number one, recognizing it, right? And if you're ignoring it, you're not going to get out of that rut, right?

12:51 You want to recognize those feelings, those feelings of unease or that your light's dimming just a little bit and then saying to yourself, okay, well, this is happening and I can either figure out how to grow and build on where I am. And maybe that will be great. Or I can create a plan to what's next. And so that I say, I really want people to pay attention to the moments in their day when they're in the flow. My mom and my brother are artists. My mom was an artist. My brother is a brilliant artist. And he loses track of time when he is painting. And you can tell because it's almost like he's channeling something even greater than him during the process. So what are those moments when you're in the flow? Linda, I'm guessing you're in the flow when you're interviewing people for your show. Starting to jot those down, write those down, and then pay attention to the patterns. That's, you know, the second step really is where am I when I'm at my best and what am I doing?

13:55 Yeah. And have you found, Mary, I mean, I found... that sometimes there are people that just bring you down. And what do you do about that? I mean, you can be surrounded sometimes by people that just bring you down and they're not in the flow. And how do you deal with that? How do you keep your light excited? Yeah. When you're surrounded by yours. Oh, gosh. I mean, It's interesting because I think part of it, once again, starts on the work you do inside, right? And we all have difficult clients. We all have co-workers that might frustrate us at times. If it's a real energy thing that they're draining your energy, that's one thing.

14:42 But if it's something that you can work through with open and honest conversations, that's another thing, right? But my recommendation is to make sure that you're taking care of yourself first, because when you are grounded in your own truth and in your own power, it's easier to shut out the noise of those negative EORs. Yeah. It's hard to do those sometimes, you know, you get into patterns and, you know, like Marshall always said, you know, what got you there won't get you, what got you there won't get you here or whatever that thing is. Right, exactly. And the advice is simple, but as one begins to realize those simple advices really require you to dig deep into your own emotion and your own psyche and face into things that you may not want to face in. And I think if you can't do that, you can't move on to the next for yourself.

15:43 I agree. I think it takes, and you know, in our coaching program, the one that I wrote the book, What Lights You Up about, it's a 10-step pivot program. The first step is going very, very deep with executives. Where are you today? What's working for you? What's not? And take, you know, really taking an honest look of your present moment. Mm-hmm. But a lot of people, like you said, are afraid to do that. It's scary to look in the mirror every once in a while. It is. We get older. Right. Especially as we get older, it's not looking good. Exactly. But I think self-reflection is a lost art and we're all trying to bring it back as coaches, right?

16:24 I think this is the good fight that we're all kind of marching towards is making sure that people don't forget to have that self-reflection so that they know where their starting point is. And I would also say, we talked a little bit, Linda, about self-care. So if you think about my self-care routine, we've talked about the fact that I still have a 16-year-old at home. And once he goes out the door, I know I'm going to have either a speaking event or a workshop or back-to-back Zooms. And I make sure that I meditate. And then I work out that I'm grounding my body, mind, and spirit. I love where I go out on a stage or before I get on a zoom or radio or TV show.

17:10 Yeah. Yeah. I want to bring the best of myself to you and to everybody else. Yeah. That's really important. That, that self-reflection, that internal reflection. And, and I don't, I don't think people do enough of enough of it. And I don't think they know how to do it. I don't, I mean, given all the education I've had and all of the things that I've worked with executives as you, you would think that I would do that more, but I don't. Well, because we move in a really fast paced world, Linda. And if we don't get really intentional about it, we're just going to keep going with our to do list. And I think one of the things that's so powerful for me and I think, you know, powerful for many of our colleagues in the 100 coaches and in the world is is starting that day with gratitude. I have two women that I text every morning about the things that I'm grateful for that day.

18:08 Oh, I love that. Yes. And so we're kind of accountability partners to tell each other what we're grateful for and celebrate each other as well. But once you start looking at the world through eyes of gratitude, it starts to subtly shift and you find more things to be grateful for, like a a good cup of coffee or, you know, a conversation with a friend. Right. Right. Well, maybe I should have Chester Elton on. He's the expert on gratitude, right? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Look at, I have a little, I have this little stone that Chester gave me. Oh, yeah. Very cute. I have one of his stuffed carrots that he gave me. Remember those stuffed carrots that you used to throw around? So, so if you were going to say, one thing or a couple of things to people. I mean, I love this gratitude call. It's easy, but it takes five minutes.

19:06 Yeah. I mean, you couldn't say like, sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. No, no, go ahead. You know, like keep it simple, right? Good cup of coffee conversation with a friend. It doesn't have to be big when you're starting. Oh, it's not raining today. I'm really grateful for that here in New York, you know? Yeah. Right. Well, I'm just the opposite. It was raining last night down here, and we're in the throes of a horrible drought, and I'm grateful. It's raining. I'm really grateful for the rain. So if you were going to say, Mary, I'm thinking about your top 10 tickets for success, and I was looking at that, and a couple of the, they're all great, so if anybody hasn't gotten Mary's book, get it, it's a fabulous book, but practice empathy and authenticity. I think that's hard for people. How do you practice empathy and authenticity?

20:01 Well, yes, it is hard, right? And although there are those of us that are natural empaths and I feel the energy the moment I walk into a room and I'm. Like, that's why you connect. We connected. Yeah. This is the way I'm like, wait, sometimes I don't know if I want to necessarily feel all that energy. Right. Right. But, you know, empathy really meaning that you can put yourself in somebody else's shoes. Right. And say, how would I be reacting if I walked a mile in their shoes, so to speak. So really being able to have some emotional intelligence around other awareness, not just self-awareness, right? We talked about that, you know, grounding ourselves and self-care reflection, that's self-awareness, but having that other awareness really can help you create empathy. And then authenticity is something that I think, you know, our young generation of kids are so much better at it in certain ways because they walk into a situation.

21:06 Yes. They're worried about their, you know, posts on social media and things like that, but they're pretty true to who they are. And so I think that one of the things that we grew up with in corporate America was, you know, we had to put on the blue suit and the white pearls and, you know, we had to show up a certain way, right? I deliberately didn't wear my white pearls today. Exactly. Right. And I love pearls. I mean, I wore them for millions of years in corporate America and I still wear them, but you know, having to conform was, it then became a little bit scary to be so authentic. Right. And I think what we really need to realize is that If we're not authentic, we are doing a disservice to not only ourselves, but to the company and to those around us. Because we're not bringing our natural gifts and our own talents to the forefront.

22:00 Right. Well, if you're not authentic, you know, you're kind of play acting. Yeah. You're play acting in a role that you think you need to play in order to be successful. Yes. And who wants to do that? That's really exhausting. Be you and let your light shine. And let your light shine. I think, though, that there are a lot of people that do. Play acting because that's what they think they have to do to be successful. I know. Do you see that in your coaching? All the time. All the time. And it's almost like, you know, we tell them, take off the mask. Yeah. Take off the mask. You know, it's almost like the Superman syndrome, right? Yeah. You know, running into your office, you stop in the phone booth and you, you know, change into your, you know, super...

22:45 Corporate suit. Yes. Yeah. But, you know, if you can just bring your whole self and be you and be comfortable in bringing your own natural gifts and talents to the workplace, it would be so much better for all of us. And it would not drain your energy. Right. It would actually enhance your energy, I would think. Yes. Yes. There's a thing. Oh, go ahead. No, no, you go ahead. Okay, I was just going to tell you, you and I have talked a little bit about this because we both have these really amazing, fabulous careers and we're so lucky. Lucky, grateful. Grateful. Grateful, lucky, blessed, you name it, right? Right. But we, I'm on a mission to get people into the sweet spot of the word ikigai.

23:33 Oh, yes. You talked about that. Say that. Tell the audience. I love that. So ikigai is my very favorite Japanese word. which translated to English means your reason for being. And it's for those of you who like Venn diagrams out there listening and watching, it's the Venn diagram between what you love to do, what you're good at, what the world needs, and what you can get paid for. So how amazing is that, that many of us get to stand in that sweet spot. So I'm on a mission to get more and more people into that sweet spot so that they can be their authentic selves and they and shine in the workplace in a way that's authentic to them.

24:14 Wow, that's great. And I've heard that in other places, but I didn't realize you were such a proponent of that. I think it's true. Do you take people through that diagram and have them sort of walk through where they are in that and what they need. To do more of or less of? Yes, it's one of these. wonderful exercises that we do in some of our workshops. And we can do, gosh, a whole day around Iggy Guy if we wanted to. There's so much wisdom in this beautiful, crazy sounding word. Yeah, it is crazy. How did you run into that word?

24:55 Oh, gosh. You know, it's so funny. I was coaching a client and I was talking to him about where I wanted him to, you know, like kind of like here's what I can help you do. You have all of it in you, but I can be your guide, right? And I kept talking about similar things. And he said, Mary, you're talking about this word ikigai. And I'm like, what? And this was, I don't know, probably 15 years ago. And when I discovered the word, I. Was like, light bulb. That's it. Yeah. I'm going to hold this up because this is what you handed out for me. And I loved that. And as you can see, I've kept it. And it's, it's, it's really impressive. Now was the guy Japanese or did he just knew that? No.

25:46 Gosh, I think he was from Australia. Yes. Actually he, he was, I'm trying to think back on to who it was in particular. Yeah. He was from Australia, which has a pretty big, you know. Japanese component. Yeah. Well, that's, that's really exciting. And, and then, You provided, which is what I loved when we were in DC, you provided a journal exercise where you took people through and you can see that I've already done some of that. And I saved it, Mary. I saved it. Yay, Linda. I know. And I think people should get this journaling exercise. It's phenomenal. Absolutely phenomenal.

26:27 So Mary, what parting words would you like to leave with people? I would say, you know, a lot of people are navigating change and chaos right now. Right. Parts of their lives and all parts of the world, actually. Right. And my biggest thing, I was just talking about this and this is in my book too, is don't give up. And, and I always say, don't give up before the magic sets in. Oh, I love that. You could be right around the corner of a breakthrough and, and you're at the most frustrating part of it, but you trust, and you go, and you keep going, and the magic is right there.

27:09 Yeah. Wow, that's such an insightful point. It is such an insightful point. And you know, I do find, I don't know, it seems like there's a lot of chaos in the world right now, and chaos is disorienting. You know, you can't figure out a place where to sort of anchor yourself when there's all this chaos around you. And so I think it's very important having that reflection and meditation time and doing these journal exercises. So you can really tap into that core. That gives you peace. Yes. Yes. Because the more that we can be true to ourselves and be peaceful inside our own souls, the more we can share that with others and create a ripple effect too.

27:53 Right. A difference in the world i mean people get so frustrated they're because they're like i'm only one person how can i affect change just by being you and yeah solid in who you are and empathetic and open and curious and kind and you know all of those things that does create a ripple effect i mean look at what you're doing linda you're educating people through through your living room right i How amazing is that? Technology is great. That's what I have to say. And Rebel is great. So Mary, I don't want to keep you any longer because I know. Give me a quick, where are you going? You're going to Spain and Portugal or just Spain?

28:33 So, yes. So I am flying with a few friends today that all have sons who are studying in San Sebastian right now. Oh, how exciting. My mom friends and I are going to take a quick trip to Mallorca. Then we're going to pick the boys up in Madrid. Nice. And then I'm going to go on to Scotland to visit my niece in Edinburgh. Oh, Edinburgh. Edinburgh. Yes. Well, it sounds like an amazing trip. How long are you going to be gone? About 10 days. 10 days. Fabulous. About three days in every place. Yeah. Oh, how exciting. So my last question for you is how can people get a hold of you? Because You are definitely somebody who can help unlock executives key, help them illuminate themselves and grow.

29:24 Well, the first place where you can find me and you can download those exercises is my website for the book, which is maryolsonmenzel.com. But just remember M-A-R-Y-O-L-S-O-N And that's what screwed me up. G-E-L.com. So you can download a free copy of the workbook that Linda and I have been talking about. You can also find me and more about what we do with our coaching on m-v-p-e-x-e-c.com, which is our business website for coaching and leadership. And then, of course, if you feel moved and want to connect with me on LinkedIn, I would love that. Instagram at Mary Olson Menzel dot com as well. Don't forget the O in the Olson. But yes, come come join me on Instagram.

30:14 I do reels and I do little snippets of inspiration. And then, of course, LinkedIn just reference Linda and we'll connect. Yes. And Mary, thank you so much. It was an honor to have you. And I love talking with you and I'll see you again at one of our many events. Yes. More please soon, Linda. Yes. And have a wonderful, wonderful vacation. I look forward to connecting with you after that. Thanks again for being on the show. I really appreciate it. Thank you. My pleasure. Well, that's it for this episode of Next with Linda Sharkey. And I hope you'll tune in next week. Have a great, Rest of your day and week.