Aug. 4, 2026

When Life Does Not Go According to Plan.

Show Notes
Transcript

Every one of us reaches moments when life does not go as we imagined. Relationships end, careers change and dreams slip away. The measure of a life is not whether everything goes as planned. But…. What we do when it doesn’t. Join in this discussion. How to handle disappointment and change. How you can move forward.

NEXT! is broadcast live Tuesdays at 9AM ET and Music on W4CY Radio (www.w4cy.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). NEXT! is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

NEXT! Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/next--6825610/support.

WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.030 --> 00:00:02.189
The topics and opinions expressed in the following show are

2
00:00:02.209 --> 00:00:03.890
solely those of the host and their guests and not

3
00:00:03.930 --> 00:00:07.030
those of W4CY Radio, its employees or affiliates. We make

4
00:00:07.070 --> 00:00:09.990
no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services or

5
00:00:10.029 --> 00:00:12.929
products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability

6
00:00:12.970 --> 00:00:15.720
explicit or implied shall be extended to W4CY Radio or

7
00:00:15.730 --> 00:00:18.429
its employees or affiliates. Any questions or comments should be

8
00:00:18.480 --> 00:00:21.800
directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing W4CY Radio.

9
00:00:45.530 --> 00:00:46.840
Welcome to the next show.

10
00:00:47.159 --> 00:00:49.479
Really looking forward to talking to you about this subject

11
00:00:49.500 --> 00:00:52.259
because it's very near and dear to my heart. You know,

12
00:00:52.439 --> 00:00:55.960
we've all had times when life does not go according

13
00:00:56.039 --> 00:01:00.479
to our plan. Matter of fact, transitions come before we're

14
00:01:00.539 --> 00:01:02.479
really able to transform.

15
00:01:03.039 --> 00:01:07.310
And sometimes we stay in that transition phase. Have you

16
00:01:07.390 --> 00:01:11.530
ever noticed that life rarely unfolds exactly as we imagined?

17
00:01:12.129 --> 00:01:16.450
Sometimes a relationship ends and that can be painful. Sometimes

18
00:01:16.469 --> 00:01:20.689
a career changes and that can be very scary. Sometimes

19
00:01:20.769 --> 00:01:26.450
we lose someone we love through divorce, death, separation, whatever.

20
00:01:27.069 --> 00:01:31.799
Sometimes the failure of the future we counted on just

21
00:01:31.920 --> 00:01:35.280
quietly disappears and we don't know what to do. We

22
00:01:35.439 --> 00:01:39.609
usually are not in a situation to choose the transitions

23
00:01:39.769 --> 00:01:43.730
in life, but we're all confronted with them. We always

24
00:01:43.769 --> 00:01:48.390
get to choose who we become after them and because

25
00:01:48.439 --> 00:01:48.730
of them.

26
00:01:49.359 --> 00:01:51.280
Actually, we can look at.

27
00:01:51.299 --> 00:01:57.439
These situations not as failures, but as opportunities to grow

28
00:01:57.459 --> 00:02:01.739
and to really make a difference in your life. Today,

29
00:02:01.819 --> 00:02:04.620
I want to talk about one simple idea that has

30
00:02:04.670 --> 00:02:09.009
become incredibly meaningful to me. And I think incredibly meaningful

31
00:02:09.430 --> 00:02:14.189
to many people. That transition often comes and always comes

32
00:02:14.330 --> 00:02:19.599
actually before transformation. A lot of people think perhaps they

33
00:02:19.620 --> 00:02:22.900
don't think about it as a transition. They think about

34
00:02:22.939 --> 00:02:27.120
it perhaps as a failure. Most of us resist transition.

35
00:02:27.710 --> 00:02:30.969
And the reason is because it's changed. And often we

36
00:02:31.009 --> 00:02:36.590
get stuck in comfortable situations that are not as good

37
00:02:36.949 --> 00:02:40.009
for us as they could be. And if we are

38
00:02:40.090 --> 00:02:44.710
willing to make a transition, we can, in fact, get

39
00:02:44.789 --> 00:02:48.270
to a better place. It's the space between what was

40
00:02:48.849 --> 00:02:53.280
and what will be. There's no question that transitions, if

41
00:02:53.379 --> 00:02:57.789
dealt with or not dealt with actually, can feel uncomfortable

42
00:02:58.270 --> 00:03:04.669
because nothing feels settled. You often feel unsettled, particularly in

43
00:03:04.729 --> 00:03:08.150
a situation where you're not in a good relationship, but

44
00:03:08.169 --> 00:03:12.629
you stay there. We want more certainty. We want answers.

45
00:03:13.250 --> 00:03:15.909
We want life to hurry up, but it doesn't happen

46
00:03:15.960 --> 00:03:16.349
that way.

47
00:03:16.849 --> 00:03:17.479
Think about it.

48
00:03:17.789 --> 00:03:21.259
I think you can identify personally with many of these

49
00:03:21.740 --> 00:03:27.800
types of situations. But transformation doesn't happen while everything stays comfortable.

50
00:03:28.219 --> 00:03:31.439
You know, actually, if you think about life and history

51
00:03:31.479 --> 00:03:36.840
in general, everything that really became better came as a

52
00:03:36.879 --> 00:03:41.270
result of something that was uncomfortable, something that people really

53
00:03:41.370 --> 00:03:45.530
wanted to change, something that people really wanted to do

54
00:03:45.590 --> 00:03:49.569
differently and often didn't have the courage to face into it.

55
00:03:50.629 --> 00:03:55.830
So really, why do we stay in uncomfortable situations and

56
00:03:55.909 --> 00:03:58.650
why do we stay too long? And I'm going to

57
00:03:58.710 --> 00:04:02.520
pause here because I think many of us can think

58
00:04:02.580 --> 00:04:06.659
about situations where we stayed too long. Many of us

59
00:04:06.759 --> 00:04:10.219
stay attached to people that we stayed attached to too long.

60
00:04:10.840 --> 00:04:14.800
Friends that didn't serve us anymore. Jobs that didn't serve

61
00:04:14.879 --> 00:04:15.460
us anymore.

62
00:04:15.990 --> 00:04:20.569
Or dreams that perhaps were not good for us anymore,

63
00:04:20.670 --> 00:04:24.899
or dreams that needed to shift to be more attainable,

64
00:04:25.420 --> 00:04:27.259
or identities.

65
00:04:26.699 --> 00:04:28.779
That no longer fit with us.

66
00:04:29.300 --> 00:04:31.240
I know I've been through that, where I had an

67
00:04:31.300 --> 00:04:34.730
identity of myself and it was very hard to shift.

68
00:04:35.430 --> 00:04:38.949
I had a big corporate job and I identified myself

69
00:04:39.110 --> 00:04:42.110
with that. And eventually that ended and I had to

70
00:04:42.149 --> 00:04:46.089
make a new identity. I decided to become a leadership consultant.

71
00:04:46.529 --> 00:04:49.079
It was not easy, but it was the right thing

72
00:04:49.160 --> 00:04:55.439
for me. So when identities no longer fit, and it's

73
00:04:56.199 --> 00:04:58.129
because they're just not right for us.

74
00:04:58.699 --> 00:05:01.870
We confuse familiarity with security.

75
00:05:02.370 --> 00:05:05.089
And I've seen a lot of people, frankly, that stay

76
00:05:05.129 --> 00:05:09.839
in relationships, that stay in jobs, because they feel secure,

77
00:05:10.100 --> 00:05:13.240
but they're not happy. And they're afraid that if they

78
00:05:13.279 --> 00:05:17.259
let go, it may not be anything better ahead. But

79
00:05:17.350 --> 00:05:21.490
letting go, frankly, is not giving up. It's making room.

80
00:05:22.089 --> 00:05:27.050
And sometimes, it's not sometimes, it's been my experience that

81
00:05:27.209 --> 00:05:32.329
most times, making room can make room for the next

82
00:05:32.589 --> 00:05:38.600
best thing. Sometimes the hardest transition is accepting that a

83
00:05:38.660 --> 00:05:40.019
chapter is over.

84
00:05:40.579 --> 00:05:43.939
And I've done that myself. It's not fun.

85
00:05:43.959 --> 00:05:47.470
It's hard to face into that reality.

86
00:05:48.050 --> 00:05:49.850
It's hard to close that chapter.

87
00:05:49.870 --> 00:05:53.769
And then it's very hard to envision the next one.

88
00:05:54.370 --> 00:05:57.829
Really successful people, however, are.

89
00:05:57.189 --> 00:05:57.970
Able to do that.

90
00:05:58.540 --> 00:06:03.899
And we'll remember times when they really failed. And I

91
00:06:04.379 --> 00:06:07.740
was recently at a conference in Washington, D.C., and the

92
00:06:07.800 --> 00:06:12.050
whole focus of the conference was with women who talked

93
00:06:12.110 --> 00:06:16.009
about failures that they had and what they did and

94
00:06:16.089 --> 00:06:19.509
how they overcome them and how they thought they would

95
00:06:19.629 --> 00:06:22.269
never be able to overcome them.

96
00:06:22.810 --> 00:06:23.490
And they did.

97
00:06:24.089 --> 00:06:28.240
And they came out much stronger than they were before.

98
00:06:28.870 --> 00:06:32.360
And I think if you're really reflecting on your life,

99
00:06:32.420 --> 00:06:35.540
which I know we all do, if we're really reflecting

100
00:06:35.620 --> 00:06:38.980
and you're really reflecting on your life, you've had failures.

101
00:06:39.560 --> 00:06:43.110
And the question is, what do you do about it?

102
00:06:44.069 --> 00:06:45.790
I think the first thing is that you have to

103
00:06:45.870 --> 00:06:50.129
reclaim yourself. There comes a point where we start asking,

104
00:06:50.629 --> 00:06:54.509
where we stopped asking, excuse me, Why did this happen

105
00:06:54.569 --> 00:06:59.009
to me? That's the victim question. Why did this happen

106
00:06:59.069 --> 00:07:02.149
to me? Why did I have to go through this

107
00:07:02.610 --> 00:07:06.829
and begin asking, who do I want to become? That's

108
00:07:07.480 --> 00:07:12.500
a more hopeful question. That's the question that starts helping

109
00:07:12.560 --> 00:07:17.259
you envision the future. That's where life changes. You know,

110
00:07:17.579 --> 00:07:20.750
we often wait for someone else to choose for us.

111
00:07:21.379 --> 00:07:24.430
And they may or may not choose the right thing.

112
00:07:24.870 --> 00:07:29.089
That's depending on someone else to change. And the truth

113
00:07:29.129 --> 00:07:32.430
of the matter is the only people we can change

114
00:07:32.970 --> 00:07:37.750
are ourselves. We have to begin to, excuse me, ourselves.

115
00:07:38.379 --> 00:07:41.899
and become more intentional about where we want to be

116
00:07:42.439 --> 00:07:46.139
and what we want to do. This is the thought

117
00:07:46.220 --> 00:07:50.670
process of someone who can take control of their own

118
00:07:50.750 --> 00:07:55.149
life and stop being a victim. And I'm saying this

119
00:07:55.250 --> 00:07:58.569
not from, I'm saying this because I've been there and

120
00:07:58.610 --> 00:08:02.189
it's easy to be a victim. And it's easy to ask,

121
00:08:02.310 --> 00:08:06.269
why did this happen to me? It's much harder. To say,

122
00:08:06.389 --> 00:08:08.970
I'm going to close that. I'm going to let go

123
00:08:09.009 --> 00:08:12.560
of that. And I'm going to begin to look at

124
00:08:13.060 --> 00:08:16.439
what my life has in store for me and what

125
00:08:16.860 --> 00:08:22.720
I can do to choose myself and become more intentional

126
00:08:22.879 --> 00:08:27.839
and more authentic. And this takes courage. And little by little,

127
00:08:28.379 --> 00:08:33.379
if you take those steps, confidence grows. does return because

128
00:08:33.419 --> 00:08:35.970
those failures do rip down your confidence.

129
00:08:36.090 --> 00:08:37.470
They absolutely do.

130
00:08:38.070 --> 00:08:42.629
And often they go into mourning phases when this happens, when.

131
00:08:42.509 --> 00:08:45.549
You lose someone. I've certainly lost my husband.

132
00:08:46.330 --> 00:08:50.600
When you get divorced or your identity completely changes, you

133
00:08:50.639 --> 00:08:54.740
lose confidence. And the only way around that is to

134
00:08:54.840 --> 00:08:59.279
start to rebuild your confidence. And that takes courage, And

135
00:08:59.320 --> 00:08:59.940
you do.

136
00:08:59.759 --> 00:09:01.139
It little by little.

137
00:09:01.740 --> 00:09:06.399
So if you remember nothing else from today's program, remember

138
00:09:06.519 --> 00:09:12.049
these three thoughts. You don't have to know the entire path.

139
00:09:12.509 --> 00:09:17.250
Transition is not failure. It's often the beginning of something

140
00:09:17.429 --> 00:09:21.159
much better. And, you know, I had actually someone say

141
00:09:21.179 --> 00:09:24.480
to me when I was recounting the transition slash failure.

142
00:09:24.960 --> 00:09:28.690
failure and they said well you have this thing in

143
00:09:28.750 --> 00:09:32.179
front of you you should get excited try to get

144
00:09:32.320 --> 00:09:36.059
excited about that try to make that a good picture

145
00:09:36.120 --> 00:09:37.779
for yourself and see.

146
00:09:37.620 --> 00:09:38.259
Where it goes.

147
00:09:38.460 --> 00:09:42.740
And I did. And it made a big difference. You know,

148
00:09:42.799 --> 00:09:46.350
you don't have to know the entire path. You only

149
00:09:46.450 --> 00:09:50.970
need enough courage to take the next step. And often

150
00:09:51.029 --> 00:09:54.090
that next step puts your next foot forward and you

151
00:09:54.129 --> 00:09:57.549
take the next step and it starts feeling good and

152
00:09:57.610 --> 00:10:01.039
it starts making a difference. You know, your future is

153
00:10:01.220 --> 00:10:04.980
really not determined by what you lost. Many of us

154
00:10:05.279 --> 00:10:08.740
think that. I've been a widow for 10 years and

155
00:10:08.759 --> 00:10:12.080
it was very hard and it still is hard. But

156
00:10:12.139 --> 00:10:16.600
I've created other things that I was willing to become.

157
00:10:17.179 --> 00:10:20.450
And while it was a big loss, it was also

158
00:10:20.470 --> 00:10:24.590
a big opportunity for me to grow and move in

159
00:10:24.649 --> 00:10:28.629
different directions. So I would like to share with you

160
00:10:29.799 --> 00:10:35.870
some steps that I think are really important for helping

161
00:10:35.909 --> 00:10:41.169
you to get started in your transition. Take a good

162
00:10:41.370 --> 00:10:46.029
and candid account of where you are. And often it's

163
00:10:46.110 --> 00:10:49.929
hard for people to be honest with themselves because what

164
00:10:50.009 --> 00:10:55.759
they want to be and really where they are, there.

165
00:10:55.019 --> 00:10:57.259
Can be a huge gap.

166
00:10:57.779 --> 00:11:02.419
Really write down for yourself where you really are. Is

167
00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:07.200
this relationship working for you? Is this job working for you?

168
00:11:07.220 --> 00:11:09.809
Is this friendship working for you?

169
00:11:10.389 --> 00:11:11.289
What are you.

170
00:11:11.149 --> 00:11:16.149
Doing to enhance or take away from this? Are you

171
00:11:16.210 --> 00:11:19.570
being a victim in this situation? Are you hoping for

172
00:11:19.629 --> 00:11:23.539
too much that will never change? Write this down for yourself.

173
00:11:23.940 --> 00:11:26.840
Put it away for a day or two and look

174
00:11:26.960 --> 00:11:31.090
at it and see what still rings true for you.

175
00:11:31.610 --> 00:11:35.669
And if the reality is ringing true, now look at

176
00:11:35.730 --> 00:11:39.049
the skills you have and be brutally honest.

177
00:11:39.570 --> 00:11:44.149
Look at those skills and what can you use that's

178
00:11:44.769 --> 00:11:48.750
your secret, personal secret sauce. to help you get to

179
00:11:48.809 --> 00:11:49.470
that future.

180
00:11:49.929 --> 00:11:53.789
I would also encourage you to look at what the

181
00:11:54.029 --> 00:11:57.840
best place or best you is like.

182
00:11:58.379 --> 00:12:00.200
What is the best you?

183
00:12:00.220 --> 00:12:03.360
And then look at the skills that you have or

184
00:12:03.399 --> 00:12:06.809
the attributes that you have or your secret sauce that

185
00:12:06.850 --> 00:12:11.029
you have that can help you get to the next

186
00:12:11.330 --> 00:12:15.389
best step. And again, honesty is a key factor here.

187
00:12:15.850 --> 00:12:19.659
Be brutally honest with yourself. Look at your current environment

188
00:12:20.120 --> 00:12:23.519
and compare it to the environment that you think will

189
00:12:23.559 --> 00:12:27.340
make you happy, where and when you feel your best.

190
00:12:27.799 --> 00:12:32.490
Once you've done this, It's time then to transform. Now,

191
00:12:32.649 --> 00:12:37.120
I also say that the more you can write down

192
00:12:37.379 --> 00:12:40.860
your transition plan, not more than one page, but your

193
00:12:40.899 --> 00:12:43.779
transition plan, what's that tiny step?

194
00:12:44.179 --> 00:12:45.620
What's that first step?

195
00:12:46.100 --> 00:12:49.440
And then look at that, check it off when you've

196
00:12:49.480 --> 00:12:52.990
moved on to the next step. But write those steps

197
00:12:53.350 --> 00:12:56.809
down for you so that you can begin to feel

198
00:12:56.830 --> 00:13:01.450
that you really are making progress. Something else I'd like

199
00:13:01.490 --> 00:13:04.529
to share with you because people get stuck all the time.

200
00:13:04.549 --> 00:13:09.299
I think that there are, you can get the three S's.

201
00:13:09.799 --> 00:13:13.080
And the first S is to spot that you're stuck.

202
00:13:13.519 --> 00:13:17.259
The second S is stop doing what you're doing currently.

203
00:13:17.860 --> 00:13:21.360
And the third S is to swap with new actions.

204
00:13:21.940 --> 00:13:28.429
So I would really encourage you, if you're in transition today,

205
00:13:28.950 --> 00:13:30.649
don't assume you're lost.

206
00:13:30.870 --> 00:13:31.929
You're not lost.

207
00:13:32.389 --> 00:13:37.019
You're simply standing in the doorway between one chapter and

208
00:13:37.519 --> 00:13:41.179
and the next chapter of your next book. Because the

209
00:13:41.279 --> 00:13:46.929
truth is, transition comes before transformation. The next version of

210
00:13:46.970 --> 00:13:50.769
your life may be waiting just beyond the discomfort you're

211
00:13:50.809 --> 00:13:56.009
experiencing today. So instead of asking, why is this happening

212
00:13:56.549 --> 00:14:01.629
to me? Asking, what am I becoming next? that great vision.

213
00:14:01.730 --> 00:14:03.470
And don't forget what I said before.

214
00:14:03.490 --> 00:14:09.950
Write a one-page little transition plan because it's those little

215
00:14:10.809 --> 00:14:14.509
steps and little changes that will move you forward. So

216
00:14:14.970 --> 00:14:18.129
maybe if it's a career change, the loss of somebody

217
00:14:18.149 --> 00:14:23.259
you loved, a healthcare challenge, retirement, or simply a moment

218
00:14:23.639 --> 00:14:27.360
when life took an unexpected turn. Think about those. Those

219
00:14:27.399 --> 00:14:31.440
are transition phases. Those are not failures. Those are not mistakes.

220
00:14:31.799 --> 00:14:32.860
They're opportunities.

221
00:14:33.299 --> 00:14:37.610
You know, I would love to hear your stories of

222
00:14:37.639 --> 00:14:42.049
your own situations and your own transitions and what you

223
00:14:42.210 --> 00:14:46.210
are doing or can do to help you transform.

224
00:14:46.690 --> 00:14:50.590
Your experience may exactly be what someone else needs to

225
00:14:50.649 --> 00:14:51.309
hear today.

226
00:14:51.889 --> 00:14:57.379
So ask who we are becoming. Ask yourself, What's your next?

227
00:14:58.000 --> 00:15:01.159
What really is the next for you? Not where we

228
00:15:01.700 --> 00:15:05.480
just think our next is. Because it can look dark sometimes.

229
00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:09.470
But who is the person we're becoming next? And what

230
00:15:09.590 --> 00:15:14.149
personal resources do you have to become next? Thank you

231
00:15:14.190 --> 00:15:18.929
for joining me. And I would love to hear your

232
00:15:19.570 --> 00:15:20.350
own stories.

233
00:15:20.970 --> 00:15:23.649
And maybe we can chat about them on this show.

When Life Does Not Go According to Plan.

Listen On

Recent Episodes