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The topics and opinions expressed in the following show are
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solely those of the hosts and their guests and not
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Hi, welcome to my discussion with the illustrious Morag Barrett
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on part two of our talking about the traits of
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and connectivity for organizations and what leaders need to think
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about in terms of that regard. So, Morag, we got
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to trade number two, and there are five of them,
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so let's go through the Let's quickly, just hit on
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the first two so that the audience can get brought
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up to speed, and then let's go into the next three.
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Okay, Well, the practices we're talking about are highlighted in
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my book. You mean, we why we all need a
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friend at work and how to show up as one
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perfect and that came about a quick summary for those
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of you who are just joining us for part two,
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in which case, where have you been? Our research, along
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with Gallup, who's been researching engagement for the last twenty years,
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shows that we are in the middle of a relationship recession.
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We've got this digital transformation with AI happening around us,
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and yet one in four leaders who've completed our ally
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Mindset profile tell me, tell my team that they have
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no meaningful relationships at work. And it's heartbreaking, Linda, heartbreaking.
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And here's some other stats that we didn't share in
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the opening. In the first research shown the number one
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use for artificial intelligence, What would you guess is the
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number one use for artificial intelligence.
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I'm going to tell you what I would guess because
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I do use it a conversation connection.
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It is absolutely that ding ding ding ding ding, winning
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winner Chicken Dinner. It's not coding, which again it's being
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used for. It's not even idea generation. People are turning
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to artificial intelligence for conversation, for connection, to address those
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feelings of loneliness.
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Yes, and I.
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Too am an avid user. Claud and I have a
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somewhat close working relationship, but the shows, well, not that
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close but the research shows that whilst in the moment
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it gives us the illusion of connection, it doesn't actually
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close the gap on those feelings of loneliness. As human beings,
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we are hardwired for connection. And so in my Team
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and Eyes research in um Wei and in my first book, Cultivate,
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we're looking to address that gap, and we identified five
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practices that make a difference between No, I don't have
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meaningful relationships at work, and yes, heck I do. In fact,
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others see me as their meaningful relationship. So the first
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two practices we covered in the teaser episode abundance and generosity.
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Do I care about you and your success as much
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as I do my own. Doesn't mean I'm guaranteeing that success,
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but am I at least curious to understand what success
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looks like for you and how I may be helping
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or hindering. Number two is connection and compassion. This is
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where I see you beyond the job title that you're
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wearing right now. But I'm interested in your whole life,
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a little bit more of your journey, what lights you up,
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what frustrates you. I'm starting to braid the relationship at
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this point, and you mentioned it in our first conversation.
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This is where trust starts to really bubble up and
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help support us for the way forward. Because when I
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feel like I am seen, valued, respected, appreciated by you
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and to you, then I am more likely to have
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courage and vulnerability. The third practice.
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Which is a basis of trust.
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It is the basis of trust, but it's a chicken
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and egg which comes first. But if I feel like
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you've said, hey, morag, you've got this, go do it,
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I'm going to test those waters. I'm going to take
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informed risk. I may show initiative, I may put my
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hand up and volunteer what I might think is a
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daft or an obvious idea, and then depending on how
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you respond, will either put deposits in that builds that
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confidence or it doesn't. So courage and vulnerability they go
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hand in hand, and this was inspired by the work
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of Brene Brown. It is the true differentiator because if
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I think that this is going to be a black mark,
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if I make a mistake, it's going to be used
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to punish me, then heck no, I am not going
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to speak up, which is candor and debate. The fourth
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practice of having an allied mindset, so for you Linda,
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as you think back, We've got abundance and generosity. I'm
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looking outward, not just focused on me. We have connection
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and compassion, which is the importance of just slowing down
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to see and check in on how you're doing, not
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just what you're doing. That leads to courage and vulnerability,
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which means I'm going to take informed risk, show initiative,
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and then that in turn leads to candre and debate.
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I'm going to call out confusion. I'm going to ask
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the awkward questions. I'm going to give warnings of impending
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disaster before they arrive rather than the I could have
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told you so afterwards.
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Yeah, oh, I thought you were going to ask me
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a really crazy question. I'm going to go, oh God,
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I'm have to answer or something.
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No, I'm just going to pause dramatically and allow you
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to just build from there.
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Yeah. Well, that that was really terrific. And I what
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I love about your five connectors or connection characteristics, Yeah, practices,
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that's what you call them, is that you know they're
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not the standard. They really dig deeper into the human psyche,
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and that I like a lot because that forces people
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to be much more introspective about how they're interacting and
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why they're interact with others.
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Well, that's why the book title is how how you
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need that? Why we all need a friend at work?
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And how to show up as one? Because it isn't
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just about what can you take from others. It does
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require that introspection of what can you offer with out
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with guardrails so that you don't just become a yes
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person supporting everybody else, but your own needs are being
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minimized and going back to the ally mindset profile Again,
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those of you have not yet done it, we saw
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a flurry of completions and insights following the first episode.
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You can take it for free and contribute to our
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research at sky Team skye Team dot cloud as in
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cloud in the Sky, SkyTeam dot Cloud Forward, slash you
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me we and here's some of the other surprising insights
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tell us. Okay, so we're talking disconnection. Thirty percent of
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the leaders who've completed us tell us that they have
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felt disconnected from the work that they're being asked to do.
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That's that's substantial.
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They're going through the motions, they're on their hamster wheel.
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I am just getting through the grind, the nine to five.
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If I'm lucky the eight to eight if I'm not,
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whatever it might be, they're going through the motions. Twenty
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five percent say that they have felt disconnected from their
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colleagues and wiping. Seventeen percent say I'm disconnected from both.
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I don't care about the work and I don't seem
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connected to or cared about or care about my colleagues.
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And that's a double whammy, because what's going.
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I was just going to ask you, So, people that
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feel that disconnected from the work and their colleagues, how
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do they how do they behave in the in the workplace?
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What are signs that you can see that that's where
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they are.
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Well, I've got two answers to that, because theirs have
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many answers. The first comes from doctor Vivic Murphy, who
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was the prior twice Surgeon General of the United States,
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and he published a white paper on the epidemic of loneliness,
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and the research clinically is clear that when we feel
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disconnected both from the work and especially from our colleagues, stress, anxiety,
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all sorts of health issues accelerate. He likened loneliness and
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disconnection to the equivalent of smoking fifteen cigarettes of day
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Wow so you know, if you say you're not on
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smoker or you don't inhale, I'm going to call BS
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because our nervous system doesn't know the difference, and so
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it is impacting how we show up. Now. The second
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answer to that question is, even though I've written two
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books on this, even though I talk about it every day,
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I have been there. I have felt lonely sitting on
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my sofa with my family all around me. I've felt
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lonely sitting in a coffee shop in Manhattan with millions
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of people around me. And I've felt lonely at and
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disconnected at work. And here's what it does to me
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in the short term. I put my head down and
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I work harder, because if I can show you the value,
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maybe you'll see that I'm hurting, that's my word for it,
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but you can see that there's something up. I try
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the psychic approach, the productivity approach, but invariably that busness
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just takes me away from the need to invest in
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my relationships and to make the implicit explicit. And so
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when I'm busy and I'm ruminating about that and feeling disconnected,
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it's then the one am lying in bed going.
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Is it just me?
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Everybody else seems to have it together. I must be useless.
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It's me. What I've come to realize is we're all
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wearing this mask of how are you doing, Linda, And
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the answer is invariably I'm fine, great.
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Yep, gop great. So we do that, come back and say, actually,
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I really sort of suck.
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Yeah, so not many and I'm not necessarily ascribing that
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that's what we should do, right, But we can come
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back with you know, I've had better weeks. I'm looking
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forward to X or you know, I'm glad you asked.
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I've been wrestling with this part of the project. Do
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you have fifteen minutes? I'd love to get your input.
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And we underestimate just how much others want to hear
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from us. We write a story that says, hey, here,
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I am working from home. Linda's busy. I won't call her.
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Oh it's seven o'clock at night. Even though we are friends,
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I'm not going to call her in the evening because
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I mean, personally, that's how I was brought up. You
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don't phone people in the evenings when they are relaxing.
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And those stories with us and when we're working remotely
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here's the other heartbreaking statistic. It's easier to pretend because
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we can all do fake perky for thirty minutes on
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a zoom call and then hang out and go, oh
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my god, this sucks. So how do you reach it? Yeah,
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here's the counterintuitive finding from our ally mindset profile. We
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ask people where they are or the environment in which
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they're working, and they're given the choice of in the office.
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And we've seen all the return to office debates, hybrid
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a little bit of both, mostly remote, so once a
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year we get together for a team session or whatever,
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and then fully remote. Who do you think from our
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research in those four categories, from in the office to
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fully remote, who is the most disconnected?
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I would say sometimes in the office.
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See this is why we're friends. I know thirty eight percent,
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thirty eight point six. I'm just reading the results here
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so I can be accurate. As of today, thirty eight
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point six percent say that they who go into the
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office say that they are disconnected from work, with twenty
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seven percent saying they're disconnected from their colleagues, whereas fully
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remote it's around twenty percent on both those measures. So
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the conventional mindset is that working remotely is what causes disconnection,
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but that's not what.
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The data shore not necessarily Yeah, and.
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I'm wondering this is something I'm going to dive into
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more deeply. Is well. Firstly, my mindset if I am
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remote is I know, I'm not going to see you
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at the water cooler for a cup of coffee. But
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going into the office, the mindset is I've made the effort.
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I've just driven an hour into the city and I'm
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the only one here. Or I've driven an hour into
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the office and now I'm spending all day on zoom
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calls because everybody else is somewhere else. I may as
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well just stayed at home, and it just widens the gap.
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So this brings me to the fifth practice, which is
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action and accountability, which is, if we're feeling disconnected, we
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have to take accountability for that. Others aren't psychic. I've
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learned we need to share a little bit of you know,
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I'm feeling a little out of the loop as to
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what's going on, or Heylinda, I've seen you on the
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last seven zoom calls. I'm curious about your role at
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this company. Do you have ten minutes? Everybody has ten minutes?
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Get on a call, but spend some of those ten
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minutes finding out about what lights you up, not just
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what are you doing? So accountability is own it, share it,
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and create those micro moments of connection. And then, as
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a leader or a team member, instead of just getting
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onto your meetings and it all being business business business,
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literally spend a few minutes talking about what did you
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do at the weekend, What do you have coming up?