May 5, 2026

You’re Always Negotiating

Show Notes
Transcript

Join my discussion with Dr Greg Williams on how to read body language - a fascinating topic with the internationally recognized expert. He is sure to give us real insight to assist anyone in honing their negotiating skills and learning how to read others and interpret body language. AND how others may interpret yours. Please join me for this very insightful discussion.

NEXT! is broadcast live Tuesdays at 9AM ET and Music on W4CY Radio (www.w4cy.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). NEXT! is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

NEXT! Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/next--6825610/support.

WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.120 --> 00:00:02.359
The topics and opinions expressed and the following show are

2
00:00:02.399 --> 00:00:04.040
solely those of the hosts and their guests and not

3
00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:06.960
those of W FOURCY Radio. It's employees are affiliates. We

4
00:00:07.040 --> 00:00:10.080
make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services,

5
00:00:10.160 --> 00:00:13.119
or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability,

6
00:00:13.119 --> 00:00:15.759
explicit or implied shall be extended to W FOURCY Radio

7
00:00:15.839 --> 00:00:18.559
or it's employees are affiliates. Any questions or comments should

8
00:00:18.559 --> 00:00:20.920
be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing

9
00:00:21.039 --> 00:00:22.039
W FOURCY Radio.

10
00:00:45.159 --> 00:00:48.520
Well, hello everybody, thanks for joining the show again today.

11
00:00:49.560 --> 00:00:54.119
Really looking forward to having an interesting show. We have

12
00:00:54.320 --> 00:00:59.359
doctor Greg Williams with us, and he is a master negotiator.

13
00:01:00.079 --> 00:01:04.640
Doctor Williams has spoken all over the world done ted talks.

14
00:01:05.000 --> 00:01:10.719
Is able to help people understand human body behavior. Look

15
00:01:10.799 --> 00:01:15.120
at what that means in terms of negotiation practices, and

16
00:01:15.200 --> 00:01:19.640
I mean he's just an insightful individual. He's also a

17
00:01:19.680 --> 00:01:23.239
member of the Marshall Goldsmith one hundred Coaches, a very

18
00:01:23.280 --> 00:01:26.359
prestigious group of which I also am a part. And

19
00:01:26.439 --> 00:01:30.319
actually that's how we know each other. I'm not going

20
00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:32.359
to be labor the fact here very much and just

21
00:01:32.400 --> 00:01:37.120
get right into our discussion with doctor Greg Williams. Greg,

22
00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:38.959
thanks so much for joining me.

23
00:01:40.599 --> 00:01:43.840
Okay, well, I could go all the way back to

24
00:01:43.879 --> 00:01:47.480
when I was four. You, Oh, you don't want me

25
00:01:47.519 --> 00:01:48.319
to go back that far.

26
00:01:48.599 --> 00:01:49.719
Sure, No, I don't think so.

27
00:01:49.959 --> 00:01:50.680
No.

28
00:01:50.760 --> 00:01:52.920
So you're a good guy. You probably had You're a

29
00:01:52.959 --> 00:01:55.480
big guy. You probably had to negotiate your way through

30
00:01:55.519 --> 00:01:56.519
a lot of different things.

31
00:01:56.920 --> 00:01:59.599
Well, I did, and even Okay, I'll tell you a

32
00:01:59.599 --> 00:02:01.640
brief story when I was four. When I was four,

33
00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:03.840
I was allowed to shine shoes. My parents allowed me

34
00:02:03.840 --> 00:02:05.959
to shine shoes at the corner bar, which was about

35
00:02:05.959 --> 00:02:08.479
three or four doors away from our home, and I

36
00:02:08.599 --> 00:02:11.840
used to observe how I interacted with people at four

37
00:02:11.919 --> 00:02:15.360
years old, not understanding that I was negotiating, but I

38
00:02:15.599 --> 00:02:19.800
also was observing body language signals that would allow me

39
00:02:19.879 --> 00:02:24.719
to readjust my pitch shoeshine, sir, shoeshine, sir, mister Johnson,

40
00:02:24.759 --> 00:02:28.159
would you like a shoe shine, sir? One of those things. Now,

41
00:02:28.240 --> 00:02:32.800
let's progress past that point, because when I prior to

42
00:02:32.919 --> 00:02:35.599
leaving Corporate America, I was a vice president of an

43
00:02:35.680 --> 00:02:40.120
organization and my division had the highest sales amongst all

44
00:02:40.199 --> 00:02:43.520
divisions in the corporation. The president asked me, what are

45
00:02:43.560 --> 00:02:46.000
you doing differently than everyone else, and I said, well,

46
00:02:46.879 --> 00:02:50.960
I've taught my fluke how to negotiate better, and negotiation

47
00:02:51.280 --> 00:02:54.800
is something that we do every day, yeah, constantly. And

48
00:02:54.879 --> 00:03:00.000
the way I started practicing more or acquiring more skills

49
00:03:00.159 --> 00:03:04.280
about the negotiation process is observing what worked, what didn't work.

50
00:03:04.639 --> 00:03:09.599
And then as I grew deeper into my negotiation expertise,

51
00:03:10.360 --> 00:03:14.039
I read all kinds of books. Again, I started speaking

52
00:03:14.360 --> 00:03:20.080
throughout the world about the negotiation process and attended institutions

53
00:03:20.120 --> 00:03:23.759
whereby I was able to enhance my negotiation skills. And Linda,

54
00:03:24.120 --> 00:03:27.960
I said, a moment ago, we're constantly negotiating. That's my motto.

55
00:03:28.319 --> 00:03:32.800
You're always negotiating. So for me, negotiation is somewhat of

56
00:03:32.840 --> 00:03:37.080
a fun process because I believe in every situation, a

57
00:03:37.240 --> 00:03:41.159
when is somewhere to occur. You just have to make

58
00:03:41.199 --> 00:03:43.479
sure you can dig deep enough to pull it out.

59
00:03:43.800 --> 00:03:46.360
Wow wow, So how do you dig deep enough to

60
00:03:46.400 --> 00:03:46.960
pull it out?

61
00:03:47.039 --> 00:03:51.360
Greg, Well, that depends on the situation, what people want

62
00:03:51.400 --> 00:03:55.960
from the negotiation and the relationship to what degree one

63
00:03:56.000 --> 00:03:58.360
wants to preserve it. Later on, I say, all of

64
00:03:58.360 --> 00:04:01.680
that is simply state, you and I are negotiating from

65
00:04:01.719 --> 00:04:04.719
a win win perspective, and I want to preserve the

66
00:04:04.840 --> 00:04:11.520
relationship as well as you, we will negotiate more, let's say, gently,

67
00:04:12.039 --> 00:04:14.199
than otherwise would be the case if we had a

68
00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:18.360
win lose perspective from either of our sides. You have

69
00:04:18.439 --> 00:04:20.879
a well, the only way I can win is if

70
00:04:20.920 --> 00:04:24.120
Greg loses or if I have that same perspective. If

71
00:04:24.120 --> 00:04:27.639
we have that mindset, we're going to have much of

72
00:04:27.680 --> 00:04:32.160
a more of a rigorous interaction, and more than likely

73
00:04:32.240 --> 00:04:35.319
it will not be as respectful as with the first

74
00:04:35.319 --> 00:04:39.639
situation that I actually spoke about. So how do you

75
00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:43.160
dig deeper? If let's take the win win situation? So, Linda,

76
00:04:43.319 --> 00:04:46.120
what would it take to have this be perceived by

77
00:04:46.199 --> 00:04:50.079
you as a successful negotiation outcome? You give me your perspective.

78
00:04:50.519 --> 00:04:53.079
I'm listening to it, and not only am I listening

79
00:04:53.120 --> 00:04:56.399
to what you say, I'm listening to the words that

80
00:04:56.439 --> 00:04:59.839
you use to represent your thoughts, and I'm listening to

81
00:05:00.120 --> 00:05:04.399
how you are positioning yourself with those words. I'm also

82
00:05:04.439 --> 00:05:07.600
observing the body language that comes along with that from

83
00:05:07.639 --> 00:05:12.040
a nonverbals perspective, and I'm looking and listening to the

84
00:05:12.079 --> 00:05:16.399
tonality that you're also using. Well, Greg, I'd love to

85
00:05:16.439 --> 00:05:20.079
see us come out with a situation that allows both

86
00:05:20.120 --> 00:05:23.319
of us to feel as though we walked away satisfied

87
00:05:23.319 --> 00:05:25.680
and happy. Now let's flip that over to the wind

88
00:05:25.759 --> 00:05:28.879
lose perspective. Yeah, well, Greg, look, this is the way

89
00:05:28.879 --> 00:05:31.279
that we're going to do this. If we can do

90
00:05:31.399 --> 00:05:34.560
it this way, we'll be happy. I need ninety percent

91
00:05:34.639 --> 00:05:37.759
of this outcome, and yes, I'll give you ten percent

92
00:05:37.800 --> 00:05:41.199
for now. In the future, though somewhere down the line,

93
00:05:41.360 --> 00:05:45.120
hopefully I can give you a greater return. Are you

94
00:05:45.199 --> 00:05:48.879
in agreement? Now you've heard the tonality difference and you've

95
00:05:48.879 --> 00:05:52.759
heard difference. Yeah, totally exactly. So those are some of

96
00:05:52.800 --> 00:05:55.680
the aspects that one has to consider when you're going

97
00:05:55.720 --> 00:05:59.439
to dig deeper, because in certain cases, you may want

98
00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:03.680
to let that other individual, that last individual type take

99
00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:07.759
you down a particular path to see how far they

100
00:06:07.800 --> 00:06:10.160
would take you down that path, and then you can

101
00:06:10.199 --> 00:06:14.040
flip the script on them. So, again, to answer your question,

102
00:06:14.360 --> 00:06:17.120
it depends on how deep you want to dig based

103
00:06:17.120 --> 00:06:20.439
on the styles of the negotiators, what they want, and

104
00:06:20.480 --> 00:06:22.920
the demeanor they display while they're negotiating.

105
00:06:22.959 --> 00:06:27.240
Well, and how do you determine which style you're going

106
00:06:27.279 --> 00:06:31.560
to use, because sometimes you don't really know what type

107
00:06:31.560 --> 00:06:33.000
of negotiation it's going to be.

108
00:06:33.600 --> 00:06:36.480
Well, in high stakes negotiations with some of my clients,

109
00:06:36.480 --> 00:06:40.480
as an example, we have done extensive research on the

110
00:06:40.519 --> 00:06:44.879
opposition for why they are even negotiating with us, what

111
00:06:44.959 --> 00:06:49.240
are their alternatives, and to what degree they may walk

112
00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:53.639
away from the negotiation based on leverage that they or

113
00:06:53.720 --> 00:06:56.800
we apply in the negotiation. So I say all of

114
00:06:56.839 --> 00:07:01.199
that to say one should never walk into a negotia blindly.

115
00:07:01.439 --> 00:07:06.240
That's to say, not knowing anything about the other party. Okay,

116
00:07:06.600 --> 00:07:10.240
let's say if it's a milder relationship type of environment

117
00:07:10.279 --> 00:07:13.040
that you walk into and you don't know anything about

118
00:07:13.040 --> 00:07:16.680
the opposition, you can take a neutral position. So for example,

119
00:07:16.759 --> 00:07:20.480
you're seeing me now, and for those that are listening

120
00:07:20.480 --> 00:07:24.240
to it, I've adopted a real neutral stance. Even in

121
00:07:24.279 --> 00:07:28.519
my position, I'm not leaning forward, I'm not really leaning back.

122
00:07:28.800 --> 00:07:32.360
I'm just there. And what I'm doing, even with my tonality,

123
00:07:32.480 --> 00:07:37.199
is not trying to express any positional perspective that I

124
00:07:37.279 --> 00:07:40.240
have based on the tonality that I'm using, as opposed

125
00:07:40.240 --> 00:07:43.319
to if I'm talking at this particular level there's a

126
00:07:43.360 --> 00:07:45.639
sense of anxiety that I'm conveying, and it may be

127
00:07:45.680 --> 00:07:50.040
picked up by an astute opposition or if I'm talking

128
00:07:50.199 --> 00:07:56.240
with this tonality, it also cast a different perspective of saying, well,

129
00:07:56.279 --> 00:07:59.560
he sounds like someone of authority. So there's a positioning

130
00:07:59.600 --> 00:08:03.360
PERSPECTI that even if you don't know that individual, you

131
00:08:03.439 --> 00:08:07.079
can position yourself such that you allow them to let

132
00:08:07.160 --> 00:08:11.079
you know more about them. So I would ask you questions, So, Linda,

133
00:08:11.480 --> 00:08:13.879
how are you doing today? And you would give me

134
00:08:14.319 --> 00:08:18.600
some response. Again, I'm gauging based even on your response,

135
00:08:18.680 --> 00:08:23.600
and again word choice along with your nonverbal displays what

136
00:08:23.639 --> 00:08:27.959
your demeanor is. Then I'm listening intently to how you

137
00:08:28.000 --> 00:08:32.720
position yourself because and so doing, you're telling me through

138
00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:38.720
verbal and nonverbal conveyance, exactly how you feel, what you want,

139
00:08:38.919 --> 00:08:40.759
and how far you're willing to go. And I made

140
00:08:40.799 --> 00:08:44.799
them turn around and ask probing questions. I appreciate the

141
00:08:44.799 --> 00:08:48.279
fact that you're negotiating with me. Why did you choose

142
00:08:48.320 --> 00:08:50.279
to do so? So I'm going to ask you as

143
00:08:50.279 --> 00:08:53.879
many questions as I possibly can. And just as a sidebar,

144
00:08:54.279 --> 00:08:58.039
the person asking questions in a negotiation to the degree

145
00:08:58.039 --> 00:09:03.080
that they're getting answers is leading the negotiation. Why, because

146
00:09:03.120 --> 00:09:08.279
they're gathering more information from which to position reposition, reposition,

147
00:09:08.879 --> 00:09:10.240
reposition themselves.

148
00:09:10.320 --> 00:09:12.559
Yeah, and they're controlling the conversation.

149
00:09:13.039 --> 00:09:17.799
Definitely. So exactly, they are controlling the conversation. Again, as

150
00:09:17.799 --> 00:09:21.480
an aside, I was speaking at some event and I had.

151
00:09:21.559 --> 00:09:23.279
You were just in Lithuania, weren't you.

152
00:09:23.799 --> 00:09:27.600
Yes, I was just in Lithuania. But well, that was

153
00:09:27.639 --> 00:09:29.600
a different story that I was about to tell.

154
00:09:29.840 --> 00:09:31.600
Well, tell the story you were about to tell.

155
00:09:32.080 --> 00:09:34.919
Okay, Well, I brought a lady up on stage, and

156
00:09:34.960 --> 00:09:37.600
I was displaying the fact of how you use questions

157
00:09:37.840 --> 00:09:41.480
to gather information and you can sidestep questions if you

158
00:09:42.039 --> 00:09:44.679
choose to do so. So I asked her to ask

159
00:09:44.720 --> 00:09:48.039
me a question, and she said, well, where were you born?

160
00:09:48.360 --> 00:09:50.480
I said, well, why do you want to know? And

161
00:09:50.519 --> 00:09:54.919
she said, oh, I just I'm interested to know the

162
00:09:54.919 --> 00:09:58.159
people that I engage with per their background. I said, oh,

163
00:09:58.200 --> 00:09:59.799
and what do you plan to do with that information?

164
00:10:00.240 --> 00:10:03.639
And she said, well, I'm not exactly sure. And I said, well,

165
00:10:03.639 --> 00:10:06.960
if you were sure, And again the point was in

166
00:10:06.960 --> 00:10:10.240
that situation, answering questions with the question to control the

167
00:10:10.279 --> 00:10:13.399
flow of the negotiation. And finally she said, you're not

168
00:10:13.519 --> 00:10:16.919
asking answering any of my questions, and I said, is

169
00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:19.399
that bothering you? And of course what he is laughed

170
00:10:19.559 --> 00:10:22.919
because they realize again I still wasn't answering it. But

171
00:10:22.960 --> 00:10:26.720
that's how you use questions to actually control a negotiation.

172
00:10:27.279 --> 00:10:30.440
And again, to the degree someone allows you to do so,

173
00:10:30.480 --> 00:10:33.879
by answering your questions, you're in greater control. Now you

174
00:10:33.879 --> 00:10:36.759
were asking about me speaking in Lithuania, reason.

175
00:10:36.840 --> 00:10:38.200
Yes, what was that like?

176
00:10:38.639 --> 00:10:42.639
Oh? What was it like? Yeah? Very interesting from the

177
00:10:42.720 --> 00:10:49.000
perspective of there's a cultural difference from the mannerisms displayed,

178
00:10:49.120 --> 00:10:51.600
which is a good topic that we can discuss right now.

179
00:10:51.679 --> 00:10:52.840
I'd like to discuss that the.

180
00:10:53.679 --> 00:10:58.799
Cultural difference from which body language is displayed, even to

181
00:10:58.879 --> 00:11:01.480
what degree people are willing to interact with you, how

182
00:11:01.639 --> 00:11:06.200
far apart they're willing to stand, to display comfort or

183
00:11:06.240 --> 00:11:08.879
when they are not comfortable, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera,

184
00:11:09.159 --> 00:11:12.200
and even the pace of speech. So in that case,

185
00:11:12.240 --> 00:11:14.120
when I spoke to a live audience and they were

186
00:11:14.159 --> 00:11:16.480
about a thousand people in the audience, one of the

187
00:11:16.480 --> 00:11:21.879
things I did prior to speaking was walk around the auditorium,

188
00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:26.840
speaking to several different groups of people just to get

189
00:11:26.879 --> 00:11:30.279
them warmed up with me. And why did I do that?

190
00:11:30.720 --> 00:11:34.120
I did that so they wouldn't think, Okay, well, here's

191
00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:38.799
this foreigner as American that has come here to tell

192
00:11:38.879 --> 00:11:40.799
us this, that or the other. I wanted to know

193
00:11:41.080 --> 00:11:44.440
what was of interest to them, and I spoke about

194
00:11:44.519 --> 00:11:47.799
that from the stage to the degree that I was

195
00:11:47.840 --> 00:11:52.000
able to bring that in to the conversation's flow. And

196
00:11:52.360 --> 00:11:55.519
I'll tell you, the people were super nice, and they

197
00:11:55.559 --> 00:12:00.080
came up afterwards bought lots of my books. And as

198
00:12:00.120 --> 00:12:02.279
a matter of fact, just this morning, I got a

199
00:12:02.360 --> 00:12:08.159
request from the promoter to do a webinar follow up

200
00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:09.080
webinar fan.

201
00:12:09.080 --> 00:12:13.000
Of course, and the name of your book is tell

202
00:12:13.039 --> 00:12:15.360
our audience, Well, you have several books, but what was

203
00:12:15.399 --> 00:12:16.759
the one that last?

204
00:12:16.840 --> 00:12:23.399
Two? Body Language Secrets to win more negotiations. And as

205
00:12:23.440 --> 00:12:26.080
a matter of fact, I kind of keep a copy

206
00:12:26.159 --> 00:12:30.320
handy just so I can display it. And the other

207
00:12:30.399 --> 00:12:33.759
one is negotiating with a bully.

208
00:12:34.080 --> 00:12:36.519
Oh, how that's that's interesting. Both they're interesting.

209
00:12:36.919 --> 00:12:40.360
Well, well, yes, And the reason the publisher asked me

210
00:12:40.440 --> 00:12:45.240
to write both of these books was because body language

211
00:12:45.240 --> 00:12:49.759
plays an integral part in any Again, you know, people

212
00:12:49.799 --> 00:12:53.600
could say I agree with you, and for those that

213
00:12:53.679 --> 00:12:55.759
are listening to this, I was shaking my head no

214
00:12:56.360 --> 00:12:58.879
as I was saying I agree with you. And again

215
00:12:58.960 --> 00:13:02.080
the body allas, what's to stay in the state of comfort.

216
00:13:02.159 --> 00:13:04.600
So when the body is out of that state, it

217
00:13:04.639 --> 00:13:08.039
will do something to justify why it's out of that

218
00:13:08.080 --> 00:13:10.919
state in order to put itself back into that state

219
00:13:10.960 --> 00:13:13.480
of comfort. So in the case when someone is shaking

220
00:13:13.519 --> 00:13:18.279
their head no and saying yes, follow the body. Ignore

221
00:13:18.480 --> 00:13:23.159
the words. The body is telling the truth. And if

222
00:13:23.159 --> 00:13:26.360
you saw that while you were negotiating with someone, you

223
00:13:26.440 --> 00:13:29.120
would kind of ask them a question in the form

224
00:13:29.159 --> 00:13:29.879
of a follow up.

225
00:13:30.360 --> 00:13:33.360
What would you ask them, Ah.

226
00:13:32.720 --> 00:13:36.960
Well, you know, I saw I heard your words, but

227
00:13:37.480 --> 00:13:41.720
you were shaking your head no. Can you explain the difference.

228
00:13:42.000 --> 00:13:44.240
That's one way to do it. The other thing is

229
00:13:44.639 --> 00:13:47.799
to observe, even before you get to that point, how

230
00:13:47.879 --> 00:13:52.799
someone uses their body in different situations, such that you

231
00:13:52.919 --> 00:13:56.679
have a foundation to compare something later too. So in

232
00:13:56.720 --> 00:13:59.639
the case where someone is shaking their head no and

233
00:13:59.679 --> 00:14:04.000
actually saying yes, in some situations, that might be that

234
00:14:04.080 --> 00:14:09.080
person's way of indicating yes, or the degree of profoundness

235
00:14:09.639 --> 00:14:13.399
that they are expressing yes, even though they're shaking their

236
00:14:13.399 --> 00:14:16.720
head no. So again there's not one size fits all

237
00:14:16.759 --> 00:14:19.759
when it comes to reading and deciphering body length. Thus

238
00:14:19.799 --> 00:14:22.080
the reason why you had to form a foundation for

239
00:14:22.159 --> 00:14:26.559
how an individual uses their body when they are communicating,

240
00:14:26.720 --> 00:14:31.399
and based on the environment, they may shift the perspective

241
00:14:31.639 --> 00:14:34.480
for how they use their body. And again I said,

242
00:14:34.840 --> 00:14:36.840
the body always wants to stay in a state of comfort.

243
00:14:36.879 --> 00:14:40.120
So if someone is in an environment that feels unfamiliar

244
00:14:40.159 --> 00:14:44.360
to them or threatening, they will react differently in that

245
00:14:44.480 --> 00:14:47.879
environment if instead they were in an environment where they

246
00:14:47.879 --> 00:14:51.320
felt safe and open. So those are some of the justice.

247
00:14:51.360 --> 00:14:54.440
Even if it's even as I'm speaking, you may notice,

248
00:14:54.639 --> 00:14:58.320
for those that can see this visually, that my hands

249
00:14:58.320 --> 00:15:01.799
are open and I'm reaching out. Now here's a little sidebar. Also,

250
00:15:02.240 --> 00:15:05.879
note how people use their hands when they're speaking. If

251
00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:10.720
you're always speaking using gestures, because it helps your brain

252
00:15:10.799 --> 00:15:13.480
to formulate the thoughts that you have number one and

253
00:15:13.559 --> 00:15:17.519
number two, it's a gateway for how you're going to

254
00:15:17.840 --> 00:15:21.120
represent yourself. Here's a little thing I tell people from

255
00:15:21.159 --> 00:15:23.240
time to time. Sit on your hands and try to

256
00:15:23.279 --> 00:15:25.720
speak without using your hands. For ninety seconds or so

257
00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:28.399
about something and try to think about the fact that

258
00:15:28.440 --> 00:15:32.519
you're not using your hands. I did it recently with

259
00:15:32.600 --> 00:15:36.159
an audience and one lady was able to last for

260
00:15:36.200 --> 00:15:38.879
maybe seven seconds and that was it. It's just naturally

261
00:15:38.919 --> 00:15:41.519
started using our hands. And so those are some gestures

262
00:15:41.519 --> 00:15:44.519
that you can observe when people were speaking and at

263
00:15:44.519 --> 00:15:49.039
the same time understand what someone is conveying via their

264
00:15:49.120 --> 00:15:52.240
different gesture. Sometimes with the hands and palms faced out

265
00:15:52.559 --> 00:15:55.559
means stop of the time. Some people may use that

266
00:15:55.600 --> 00:15:58.960
same gesture to suggest, well, you know what, I like

267
00:15:59.080 --> 00:16:01.720
what you're doing. So again you have to understand how

268
00:16:01.759 --> 00:16:06.000
each individual is using their gestures to represent their thought.

269
00:16:06.159 --> 00:16:08.639
So tell me about the bully, and then I want

270
00:16:08.639 --> 00:16:10.840
to go back to the answering the questions with other

271
00:16:10.919 --> 00:16:13.799
questions and other questions. I think our politicians have learned

272
00:16:13.840 --> 00:16:16.039
that technique.

273
00:16:16.240 --> 00:16:18.879
It's all going sure, And you asked about in the

274
00:16:18.879 --> 00:16:23.799
beginning some of my negotiation advancements. I've run for political

275
00:16:23.840 --> 00:16:27.600
office twice in the United I knew that, yeah, yes,

276
00:16:27.759 --> 00:16:32.399
and politicians are very adept not answering questions by asking

277
00:16:32.440 --> 00:16:36.440
a question. And or there's something called bridge and block

278
00:16:36.600 --> 00:16:39.600
block and bridge I'm sorry, block and bridge. So someone

279
00:16:39.639 --> 00:16:41.960
may pose a question what type of day are we

280
00:16:42.039 --> 00:16:44.840
having today? Or what type of day are you having today? Well,

281
00:16:44.879 --> 00:16:47.919
that's a good question, Linda. I appreciate you asking it,

282
00:16:48.039 --> 00:16:50.720
and let me tell you something that's related to that.

283
00:16:51.080 --> 00:16:53.879
When you're negotiating, you have to be observant of how

284
00:16:53.919 --> 00:16:59.279
people use body language from you know, and they're off

285
00:16:59.320 --> 00:17:02.879
on answering what it is they want you to know.

286
00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:06.720
Or I've done tons of TV interviews and there are

287
00:17:06.759 --> 00:17:10.079
times when truth be known, an interviewer will try to

288
00:17:10.079 --> 00:17:14.000
throw a gotcha question that I've always been prepared for

289
00:17:14.119 --> 00:17:17.920
because I use that same block and bridge technique to

290
00:17:17.960 --> 00:17:21.279
do just that. So now back to the bully and aspect.

291
00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:22.319
Let's get to the bully.

292
00:17:22.720 --> 00:17:26.599
Yes, there are I talked about the wind lose perspective earlier.

293
00:17:26.839 --> 00:17:30.880
There are some individuals that have, for whatever reason, the

294
00:17:30.960 --> 00:17:33.440
perspective that the only way for them to win is

295
00:17:33.480 --> 00:17:37.839
to have you lose. Bullies adopt that same type of

296
00:17:37.880 --> 00:17:42.480
mindset and they will test you sometimes to find out

297
00:17:42.839 --> 00:17:46.000
how far they can push you in order to get

298
00:17:46.039 --> 00:17:47.759
you to do what you wish to do.

299
00:17:48.160 --> 00:17:51.559
I also stated what you wish to do or what

300
00:17:51.599 --> 00:17:52.680
they wish you what.

301
00:17:52.599 --> 00:17:55.000
They wish you to do. Thank you, thank you, thank

302
00:17:55.039 --> 00:17:58.599
you what they wish you to do. So as an example,

303
00:17:59.079 --> 00:18:03.119
someone and then the goa may say, dog on it. Look,

304
00:18:03.160 --> 00:18:06.079
I'm getting tired of this. Either you accept the offer,

305
00:18:06.319 --> 00:18:09.799
or we can conclude the negotiation right now. Now, there's

306
00:18:09.839 --> 00:18:12.920
several ways that you can address that perspective. Say nothing

307
00:18:12.960 --> 00:18:16.039
now for the listeners, that's not dead air. That was

308
00:18:16.400 --> 00:18:23.119
me just pausing and not saying word. I have used

309
00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:26.880
that technic in negotiations when negotiating with someone that was

310
00:18:27.000 --> 00:18:30.359
very stritent, someone that was almost or in some cases

311
00:18:30.599 --> 00:18:36.200
a real bully negotiator type, and eventually they'll say something

312
00:18:36.440 --> 00:18:37.960
like did you hear what I said?

313
00:18:38.279 --> 00:18:39.200
They can't stand it?

314
00:18:39.400 --> 00:18:42.720
Yeah, I heard what you Yeah. My thought is my question,

315
00:18:42.920 --> 00:18:43.839
why did you say it?

316
00:18:44.000 --> 00:18:44.240
Yeah?

317
00:18:44.319 --> 00:18:47.000
Now, I notice I've adopted a common demeanor at that

318
00:18:47.039 --> 00:18:50.680
particular point in time, because with a bully, be mindful

319
00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:54.000
of how you escalate a situation because to the degree

320
00:18:54.039 --> 00:18:57.079
that they will escalate. If you escalate and they escalate

321
00:18:57.119 --> 00:19:01.400
and you escalate, you really can lose control of negotiation. Again,

322
00:19:01.559 --> 00:19:04.400
if you've done your homework prior to entering the negotiation,

323
00:19:04.640 --> 00:19:07.599
with this type of individual, you already know that they

324
00:19:07.640 --> 00:19:11.440
have certain traits that may classify them as a bully,

325
00:19:11.640 --> 00:19:14.400
and you've adopted strategies per how you're going to engage

326
00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:17.000
with them and how you're going to deal with them

327
00:19:17.279 --> 00:19:20.200
if they use bullying tactics. What I just spoke of

328
00:19:20.240 --> 00:19:23.400
a moment ago of using silence and then a softer

329
00:19:23.559 --> 00:19:27.200
tonality is one way to see if the bully will

330
00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:30.319
adjust their demeanor. Now, let's say if they take it

331
00:19:30.400 --> 00:19:35.359
down a notch. Well, I'm a little frustrated, and I

332
00:19:35.400 --> 00:19:37.759
guess that's why I said it. Now you know that

333
00:19:37.799 --> 00:19:42.880
you have a different perspective from which to engage this individual. Well,

334
00:19:43.119 --> 00:19:45.960
tell me what's happening. Well, I'm under a lot of stress.

335
00:19:46.240 --> 00:19:49.720
My boss told me I have to get this negotiation done. Well,

336
00:19:49.759 --> 00:19:53.960
what does that mean? Get it done? And so if

337
00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:58.079
you adopt that demeanor against that individual, you've now formed

338
00:19:58.119 --> 00:20:01.200
a team with the individual. Let's talk about how we

339
00:20:01.240 --> 00:20:03.720
can really reach a bottom line that will make both

340
00:20:03.759 --> 00:20:08.240
parties happy. Okay, I apologize for my behavior before. Now

341
00:20:08.279 --> 00:20:11.640
you completely changed that person's demeanor. Let's flip that and

342
00:20:11.680 --> 00:20:15.279
say the individual all of a sudden escalates the situation. Look,

343
00:20:16.279 --> 00:20:18.079
I thought we had an agreement before we came to

344
00:20:18.119 --> 00:20:21.319
the negotiation table, and therefore now I feel as though

345
00:20:21.319 --> 00:20:22.319
you're wasting my time.

346
00:20:22.680 --> 00:20:24.119
And there's a silence again.

347
00:20:24.559 --> 00:20:28.119
Yeah, there's a silence again, exactly followed up with possibly

348
00:20:28.160 --> 00:20:31.000
a question, why do you need time? I were negotiating

349
00:20:31.119 --> 00:20:33.920
in good faith? From my perspective, wouldn't you agree to that? No?

350
00:20:34.039 --> 00:20:37.039
I don't agree to that. Well, what would you consider

351
00:20:37.240 --> 00:20:39.920
good faith negotiation? Well, if you just said yes to

352
00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:44.920
the agreement, if my chance, I made the same offer

353
00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:47.839
to you that you're making to me, would you accept it? Yes?

354
00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:51.279
I would. Okay, let's flip the script. Accept the offer.

355
00:20:51.640 --> 00:20:54.200
So now you put them in a position of looking

356
00:20:54.240 --> 00:20:57.839
at themselves in the mirror sotuce And two things happened

357
00:20:57.880 --> 00:21:00.599
right there. If they said yes, they would up the offer.

358
00:21:00.759 --> 00:21:02.960
And let's say, going back to that ninety ten that

359
00:21:03.000 --> 00:21:06.640
I offered that I made before. Yeah, now they're the

360
00:21:06.680 --> 00:21:10.079
ones at the temper cent on the temper cent side,

361
00:21:10.400 --> 00:21:12.880
and they just said they'd accept the offer. Chances are

362
00:21:12.920 --> 00:21:13.720
they going to go wait a bite?

363
00:21:13.720 --> 00:21:14.400
Who who Whooah?

364
00:21:14.440 --> 00:21:16.920
No, I can't accept the offer, which then exposes to

365
00:21:16.960 --> 00:21:21.000
them the unequalness in and of the UH and that's

366
00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:23.799
another way to bring them back to a rational state

367
00:21:23.839 --> 00:21:24.200
of mind.

368
00:21:24.319 --> 00:21:28.400
Wow, very interesting. Do you use any of this greg

369
00:21:29.079 --> 00:21:32.839
school bullying? I mean, have anybody brought you in to

370
00:21:33.000 --> 00:21:33.359
do that?

371
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:37.400
Yes. As a matter of fact, I have spoken throughout

372
00:21:37.440 --> 00:21:43.480
my career at certain schools because kids in particular have

373
00:21:43.640 --> 00:21:47.640
not formulated the right mindset in some cases of being

374
00:21:48.920 --> 00:21:51.160
accepted by others, and they feel as though they had

375
00:21:51.160 --> 00:21:53.759
the bully of the kids because of it, or to

376
00:21:53.839 --> 00:21:57.200
show that they need to be respected, or things of

377
00:21:57.240 --> 00:21:59.599
that nature. As a matter of fact, I talked about

378
00:21:59.640 --> 00:22:02.960
when I was kid growing up in actually in Philadelphia

379
00:22:03.160 --> 00:22:06.039
at four years old. As a kid growing up in Philadelphia,

380
00:22:06.200 --> 00:22:11.400
it was a very let's say, challenging environment at times because.

381
00:22:11.319 --> 00:22:15.519
My husband was from South Philly. Greg, So I my

382
00:22:15.640 --> 00:22:20.279
husband was from South Philly, and I know the situation.

383
00:22:20.200 --> 00:22:24.400
Yeah exactly. And in my neighborhood, if someone stepped on

384
00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:29.279
another individual's toe or foot by mistake and did not

385
00:22:29.400 --> 00:22:33.079
say excuse me and or say excuse me in the

386
00:22:33.200 --> 00:22:36.759
right manner with the right demeanor, bam, you punched.

387
00:22:37.119 --> 00:22:37.599
Just a lot.

388
00:22:38.160 --> 00:22:42.119
That was the environment, and it was somewhat tough. So

389
00:22:42.720 --> 00:22:47.720
I talked to kids about understanding the reaction of their

390
00:22:47.759 --> 00:22:49.480
action and what do I mean by that, or I

391
00:22:49.480 --> 00:22:52.319
should say, the actions that will come forth as the

392
00:22:52.359 --> 00:22:56.000
result of their action. And I speak to them about

393
00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:59.799
before you act, think, And that's the message that I

394
00:22:59.799 --> 00:23:02.960
can to them, before you act, think what's going to

395
00:23:03.000 --> 00:23:06.319
happen if I do this? Because sad to say, I've

396
00:23:06.319 --> 00:23:09.680

You’re Always Negotiating

Listen On

Recent Episodes